BYU Study: Sexual abstinence until marriage leads to stability and trust
PROVO, UTAH
For many individuals outside of the Church, sexual involvement in the early stages of dating is seen as an important part of testing relationship compatibility and becomes a key factor in determining if a relationship can progress.
A new BYU study, published in the American Psychological Association's Journal of Family Psychology, shows that those ideas are not supported by research — and that includes people of all ages, races and religious backgrounds.
"So many people think that sexual compatibility must be one of the first things figured out," said Dean Busby, BYU professor and lead author on the study. "However, we didn't find any benefit to early sexual involvement."
In fact, researchers came to find that sexual timing in relationships has a large effect on the quality of relationships and overall satisfaction. They concluded that individuals who waited until marriage to have sex experienced more satisfaction, stability and better communication in relationships.
For members of the Church, the concept of waiting to have sex until marriage isn't new — the commandment is an eternal principle encouraged from a young age and emphasized in the youth programs of the Church and the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet.
The newly published research shows some of the other benefits — more than the spiritual — that come from abstinence until marriage.
"The research supports it from a different angle," Brother Busby said. "That was part of our hope … makes people think maybe there is more to this commandment to be with one person. It builds relationships in very important ways and helps people make better decisions in who to marry."
Research shows that as couples develop their relationship while delaying or refraining from sexual intimacy they are able to form foundations on communication and other social processes.
"When couples become sexual early in the relationship … other areas do not develop as well," Brother Busby said. "Couples who wait spend time talking and sharing their life, getting to know each other in other ways, strengthening their relations and creating greater relationship satisfaction."
Brother Busby, along with his BYU associates Jason Carroll and Brian Willoughby, started studying sexual timing at the end of 2007. More than 2,000 married individuals answered questions while participating in an online marital assessment called "RELATE" — a study that has been collecting data and conducting research on different aspects of relationships and marriage for more than 30 years.
The average age of participants was 36, but the sample ages ranged from as young as 18 and as old as 70. Although the recent study came out of BYU, a known religious institution, researchers were sure to take religiosity into account, controlling the study to represent more of the demographics of the married American population, including participants of all ages, races and religious affiliation in the study. Only six percent of the study included members of the Church.
Along with questions about communication and overall satisfaction in relationships, participants answered the question, "When did you become sexual in this relationship?"
Researchers found that for those who waited to have sex until they were married rated their relationship stability 22 percent higher, their relationship satisfaction 20 percent higher, sexual quality of the relationship 15 percent better and communication 12 percent better, than those who did not wait for marriage. Results from the study show that couples who were in between — meaning those who became sexually involved later in the relationship but prior to marriage — had half of the reported benefits.
"When couples are sexual very early it sets up seeds of distrust," Brother Busby said. "Knowing that the person was sexual with [an individual] before they really knew [that person] without a commitment and trust lingers in a relationship."
That, Brother Busby said, leads to less stability and trust.
"In the end, sex in a relationship is relative," Brother Busby said. "If you think of the amount of time in relationships, it is relatively small. Time talking and developing relationships is greater and are so crucial in how you are going to feel in the companionship. Today, things are turned upside down. It is all about sex first and then couples hope the other areas develop."
Although the physical element in a relationship is still very important, Brother Busby said, it is the timing that is the crucial part.
In the end, research proves that following the standards set forth in the gospel contributes to stronger relationships and greater satisfaction.
"The longer a couple waits, the better," Brother Busby said.
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